The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
