I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
