Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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