You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
