; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
