bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i drank out of a bidet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
