that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
