yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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