jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
