You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
