I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
