Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The uberlube is also flammable
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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