mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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