So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
