her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize