I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
