I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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