I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
