If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize