My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
