sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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