Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
