I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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