I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
