you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
