Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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