I'm eating all of the evidence.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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