We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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