he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize