you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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