I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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