You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
