My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's always time for handjobs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
