Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
