I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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