I'm lost and stupid without you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sex in a hospital.. check
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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