my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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