Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
