He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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