SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will be naked everywhere
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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