Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
