Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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