Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
