Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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