Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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