U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
