I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize