i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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