"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
