You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
