Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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