I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
