was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
