i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
