We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
