I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
