oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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