Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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