You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
