Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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