Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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