her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize