Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
