Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
