the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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