Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
