just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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