A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
a search helicopter?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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