So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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