Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
