They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
