Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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