I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
