Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
