i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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