you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
