with your own penis?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
