its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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