Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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