I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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