He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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