was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
