it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
