I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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