Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
