I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
