I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
