I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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