i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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