what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
