Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
