There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And then my night got REAL pukey
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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