Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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