I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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