Whod you bang
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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