Plan B is the new Plan A
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
