but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
