I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
